I finally went to my doctor when I realized the horror in my nose was not going away. So, totally unaware that I was incubating staph or strep or both in my old jar of coconut oil, I was blithely sticking it up my nose for lubrication & moisture, thereby giving myself ➡️IMPE-FUCKING-TIGO⬅️ in my nostrils. So, at the end of this winter, we (I, my lazy ass was tard of filling them) let the humidifiers run dry too early, with the result of dry air & dry nose for moi.

Yeah, I’m wrong – at least as far as the small jar of it that has been sitting on my sink for the last few years & indiscriminately used for all orifices (well, above the neck, thank JAYZUS!) when dryness hits. I have a strong belief that coconut oil is the panacea for all ills. I hope you’re laughing at the horror of it, cuz I am!Īhhhh, my nose…. I have more shit-stained clothes than I ever had since getting out of diapers. That was the final straw from which I started the Imodium regimen. When my son was here 3 weeks ago, I stood up from my chair all unsuspecting, & had a gusher of diarrhea right then & there. Prolly end up having another colonoscopy. My gut: Unending, horrifying diarrhea (prolly due to lack of gall bladder), for which I finally wised up & started taking an Imodium pill every day or so. My own travails, for which I am going to doctors on 7/12-13, are based in my gut & my nose/ear, sigh. The Headology approach is also very similar to Susan Sto Helit ‘s practical approach to children’s problems since the child already believes in Bogeymen, then you may as well go along with it and teach them that they can also very firmly believe in the fireplace poker, too.v *Headology: “It has been said that the difference between headology and psychiatry is that, were you to approach either with a belief that you were being chased by a monster, a psychiatrist will convince you that there are no monsters coming after you, whereas a headologist will hand you a large stick and a chair to stand on. “This horror will grow mild, this darkness light.” ― John Milton, Paradise Lost These are just the physical ailments, not going into the headology* problems (do you read Terry Pratchett novels? I swear, they are all that have been getting me through these political times. I’ve been reading about your medical travails, and, while mine are nowhere near as dire as yours, I decided to share them with you. You know nothing of my work.” And he’s right and I laughed. Y’all need to get your shit together, okay?”Īnd then Victor said it was more like the look that Jesus probably gives when people are being shitty to other people and are like, “I’M DOING THIS IN THE NAME OF JESUS” and Jesus is like, “Oh God. Y’all are just lucky that vengeful Jesus is busy appearing on a tortilla because he would not put up with this ridiculousness. Forgive them Father, because a lot of them are dumbasses, a pparently. I told Victor is was like this Jesus was channeling your sassy gay friend and Victor was like, “Who…Kevin?” and then I gave him the above Jesus look and showed him these videos, but he still said $25 was too much to pay to have Jesus disappointed in you:Īnd then I held Jesus in front of my face and said, “WELP.

If he had a thought bubble it would be him looking at God like, “I know, right?” Or perhaps an audible sigh of disappointment as he muttered, “Ugh. It’s the same look I give the cats when I find them back-kicking the giant pile of toilet paper they’re currently shredding into a nest after they’ve unravelled the last roll in the house. He is my favorite personal Jesus and I assume this is what He looks like all the time when He reads this blog. “What is wrong with these people?” ~ Jesus Most Jesuses (Jesusi?) fall under the subsets of “Caring Shepard Jesus” or “Vengeful Threatening Jesus” or “Peaceful Hippy Jesus” or “Fat Baby Jesus” but this is the first time I’ve ever seen sassy, eye-rolling Jesus who is adorably fed up with your continued poor decisions and silliness but is resigned to the fact that you can’t even seem to stop yourself from fucking up. More specifically I found Jesus on a wall pocket at a thrift shop and Victor wouldn’t let me buy it because he hates Jesus.

Funny biff jesus